Thursday, February 18, 2010

What is on your heart?

Are there any topics that you would love to talk about here? We would love to know what is on your heart so that we can create discussions that actually help. Leave a comment and let us know.

Love and Peace to all.

23 comments:

Kathi said...

My heart is currently heavy with the idea that I may never get pregnant again... and will only be a mummy to dead babies.
Im starting a new round of IVF and it will be our 5th cycle of fertility treatment since my girls died and my hope is fading of ever having another baby.

michelle hendrix-swords said...

my loss was prior to twenty weeks and my husband didn't grieve. even though i gave birth and there was a tiny, perfect body...xavier wasn't real to him.

jessica said...

How about how ladies got the courage to go on and have more children after their angels. I just can't seem to find the heart or courage.

Also if I have one living daughter and one angel daughter. If I decide not to try again how do I explain to my living daughter why she doesn't have any living siblings? I feel like I've failed her in that department.

Maddie said...

How to deal with people not understanding and saying things that are just not helpful and often hurtful. Lately some people who've supported me through this have said things that hurt.

Lindsy said...

I would like to talk about any of the topics that have already been suggested....I lost my baby at 16 weeks ~ even though I gave birth to a perfectly formed tiny baby, like Michelle, my husband did not grieve ~ even though he made the tiny wooden box that we buried our angel in.
And like Jessica,I am afraid. Both my husband and my doctor have enouraged me to try to get pregnant again as soon as I can, but I am afraid. I honestly do not know if I could survive going through this whole ordeal again (I do have three older children).
And like Maddie the insensitive things that have been said make me want to scream ~ really loud and really long. My own parents have contributed to a lot of the pain (my mother was giving me the "silent treatment" because she didn't "approve" of my pregnancy and was mad when she found out I was pregnant).....not to mention the uber helpful statements like, "I hope I never have to go through something like this." That is when sarcasm rears its head and I want to respond, "Gee, why not, I think EVERYONE should go through this at least once." Stupid things like that ~ I have to remind myself I am *sure* they are not intentionally trying to cause more hurt....but sometimes I'd just like to write them a letter on "what not to say" ~ sometimes just keeping your mouth shut and just BEING there is help and comfort enough.

La Cubanita said...

Im saddened that my own family doesnt recognize that my stillborn daughter was and is my daughter. Relatives say "who is that?" when I mention her name even though they know what happened and what I named her. When I speak of my daughter they say "daughter?" as if to question the fact that I did have one. I find people that say that have not had a loss themselves. A baby is a baby is a baby is a baby from the moment of conception on. Even the bible recognizes this. Why cant my own family. It hurts me to the core.

Cynthia said...

Carly, you already know this topic is heavy on my heart, but I'd love to know what other parents are doing on their child's birthday.

belle said...

wow- it seems that we have have one giant heart that beats together ... we all feel the same pain and hurts. i'm so thankful today that i'm not alone and that here i can meet other mommies like me..... ((((hugs)))) wish i could hug you all in person.

Leslie said...

I'm thinking how I am going to cope with my son's first birthday & angelversary coming up. People tell me the second year is the worst. I'm scared approaching that. I worry how I am still at a level where I feel jealous of others who are having what I lost. I guess it's a lot of things.

Phoenix Rising said...

Wow. All these comments resonate within me as well. Though one of the things I'm having a hard time with is dealing with medical staff and genetics counselors. Waiting for answers, being told that there are no answers for why my girls passed and being told that there's no hope with having more children. I feel like I'm living in limbo. One child born silent, one born screaming and another one silent...Although I know I can have children, I also know I can lose them. So what do I chose? Do I risk it again? I living in limbo. Uncertainty surrounds me. Hopelessness engulfs me.

Big, giant hugs to all you mamas out there. Big, big hugs.

Holly said...

I think it would be great to share some happy memories that we have of our children.

Betty said...

I agree with what everyone else has posted...and I would like to add...how do we get our husband to express there grief.

Emma Hughes said...

How to deal with a nxt pregnancy after losing a baby... how do you ENJOY pregnancy again (when it happens) without fear of what might happen eating you up the whole time.

Were on our 4th cycle of ttc and it hasnt happened yet, I want so so uch to be pregnant but t the same time, I am so scared of the day when I get a positive test.

lakensmommy said...

Like Emma i too would like to know how some go on to have another pregnancy and be happy about it at the same time they are afraid the same thing might happen. My Laken was born 27w1d due to PE and HELLP and she had IUGR.

Maddie said...

Another one from me.

I know grief and it's timelines are different for everyone. But in the early days I was desparate to know when the grief stopped being so all consuming and it was going to be possible to be functional (at least partially) again. I know it's difficult to look back and mark that as a point in time but I'd be interested to know things like when other Mums:
* Went back to work? And then we they actually felt productive and like they wanted to be there.
* Started socialising again. And actually feeling like it and enjoying it.

Anonymous said...

I would like to learn about if any other women had to deal with their own medical issues as a result of their pregnancy....I Was unable to see my baby for her first week because I was in recovery--and then she passed away shortly after I was able to see her
I wold also like to hear about how and what parents are doing in making sure this loss doesnt take over every aspect of their life

Anonymous said...

Additionally, I agree with Maddie an would like to know when people went back to work, started feeling like it was OK to smile again, when they are not completely distracted by thoughts of their little one.

PB&J said...

Heavy on my heart is Loss with infertility. We tried 3 years to concieve Joseph. Born at 40 weeks He lived 37 hours but died due to multiple organ failure my placenta abrupted. We are trying to concieve again... with IVF (Frozen FET) and are so wracked with nerves over if/when/how it will work again and how we can continue to love honor and hope for our rainbow after such a trageic unexpected death of our first born and only child. I'd like to hear from moms who have done it... and how they coped.

Allison (Ali) said...

How to deal with the people who think I should have moved on and forgotten about my beautiful daughter Cadynce. She may not have taken a breath outside my womb, but she was my world.

Malory said...

I think everyone put down some really good topics. I too in the beginning would've liked to know when things started to get easier, sleep returned, productivity came back...even tho everyone is different it could've given me some hope to hold onto. I did read other blogs & saw how other Moms were doing & held on tight to that.

I think another topic could be answering the question of how many children do you have? How old are they? I dread this so very much & still do not know what to say.

Sophie said...

Emma, if I can direct you to mine, Sally's and Carly's blogs in particular you will be able to read about our pregnancies after loss. I can tell you from my experience that it was excruciating, particularly towards the end. There were moments of hope and moments of despair, but no clear cut period where I was okay with everything. It was just hard all round but I wanted a baby and thats what I had to do to get there.
xx

Sophie said...

I was thinking today about the baby items I want to keep of Jordan's and the things I don't want. My husband and I disagree on what to part with (he wants to keep it all) and I have this overwhelming urge to gift things to close friends...(sharing my Jordan I guess). Though it has me thinking... What if he's right and these are things I wish I'd kept sometime in the future?

I just wonder if people in the earlier stages of grief might be interested in how we chose what to keep and what not to keep. Did any of us regret it? Wish we'd given it to someone else?

Anyway, just thinking.
xx

Jessica said...

What about those of us that are single moms and we did it alone? Or how we have helped our other children if you have them through this. My J Triplets at times are so hurt by Ethin not being with us. He lived for 5 1/2 months we knew him and they just do not always understand. Or how about how long they have been gone and if it is ok that just shy of a year he is still the one thing I want more than life itself? Am I alone in this?